sometimes i cant help but break down and cry

GoOd MoRnINg

"Its good morning time!" thats cailyns phrase to make sure we wake up with her in the morning. Its always "mommy! daddy! its good morning time!" LoL she picked up that phrase because everymorning Justin would softly say good morning and tickle the girls a bit to wake them up for the morning and get the day going :) Now she has this eternal alarm clock to still wake up at 6:30am! every morning. Its all good though because she is getting a little better to want to just chill out on the bed. She also likes the "wakey wakey" phrase off of Mcdonalds. Justin would say "wakey wakey" to her in the morning and she reply "bud a buh buh buh" or however they tend to spell that lol. Celeste and Cailyn are both playing my little ponies in the living room. It feels good to see them playing together. My sister Sabra (celestes companion) went to stay with her grandma for the summer. At first Celeste was devastated I felt horrible for her. She has such seperation issues, but i have no choice but to be firm with her or she will always think its okay to flip out if someone is leaving the house and she cant come along. Celeste is over being lonely for Sabra though (at least that is what shows) But before Sabra left Celeste never showed much love for Cailyn and I didnt know how to 'make' someone love someone. You know Celeste always shoved Cailyn out of the rooms or close the doors on her so she couldnt play. It furiated me! It was a nonstop battle but cailyn learned how to just play with mommy or play by herself my little pony style. But now they play together :) It really does feel good to see that! The girls love Leo too. Im glad we got him. Although he is still a pup and alot of work, I think its worth it. He chewed a few of justins things oooops! :o lol Justin isnt much of a pet person. But Leo is growing on him. Leo likes to chew though. He always try to chew on me! ahhh but i been teaching him not too so he doing ALOT better. My stepdad should be getting out the beginning of august. count down on lol.. I also started to read. right now im just reading a book my sister owns. Stop Laughing at Me. by jodee blanco its kind of based on the dave pelzer novels. Its about a girl who overcame school bullying. Its sad, I was always the odd ball kid. I was so awkward in highschool and to have a baby at 16 made me so much wierder then before lol. I never talked to anyone. I still dont like talking too much. Im always afraid i will sound dumb. Thats why i always have random thoughts in my head lol.. neways just sitting here listen to hank williams :) gotta love him. I better go and start some lo-ndry
until next time!

update

so life has moved just a wee bit fast since the last time i posted in here. Well lets see I graduated School middle of May and started my job a week later. I been working at University of Kansas Hospital. Its a pretty big hospital. Many ICUs to work in pretty big. At first its very intimidating because so much goes on there. But im getting the swing of things. Im still orientating so im not quiet alone yet, I work nights too and that was some getting use to but its alright. I dont mind the nights so far. I passed all my Boards and Registries. I didnt even realized i signed up for my hardes test the clinic simulations on June Friday the 13th! lol but i passed ;) kinda funny though. If i noticed that before i would have hesitated on that day lol I just wanted to get my boards done and now they are finished. Right now im studying ACLS course. Thats the certificate we need in order to help run code blues and rapid responses in the hospital :). other than that The girls are great :) they been enjoying the summer and schwemming in the back yard. We have a new member of the family too. Leo our mini dachsund :) ehh im kinda lazy and dont want to right more so chow!

today

just downed a big bowl of life cereal ugh. lol.. .now im going to school to study for the clinical sims yay! anyways sounds like an awesome weekend for me! me and just went on a 6 mile path yesterday evening.. he never comes with me so i thought that was nice of him he did today lol.. i jogged 4 miles and walked the 2 miles but he rode a bike most of the way.. he would have jogged but he almost broke his knee at work.. he fell off a lift gate.. so now he promises we will work out together and get inshape together we shall see how that goes! lol.. neways im off ttyl!

what a hellish week

this was a long and horrible long week.. we had test after test, final after final. I felt like it was never going to end. I been spending alot of my free time at school away from home. I had to practice taking my Boards we took a mock board today. It was equivalent to the National Board Written Registry exam. Then Tuesday we have to take Clinical Simulation exam. They are tough so i just been taking practice tests all the time lately. We have to pass these in order to graduate and be done! The girls are good putting up with me. Celeste has been loving the weather. She loves to ride her bike to the park but then she gets really whiney and that drives me nutty! cailyn is always a good sport :) We went to the mall yesterday and i bought my dress for graduation :) other then that i want to eat with justin and i plan to practice my clinic sims all weekend!

Annabell's song

i love these lyrics.. they just remind me so much of my girls

Annabell's song by everclear

I See you roll your eyes
You know it makes me smile
You are like the sun to me
Bright as liquid fire
I feel so powerless
Hold you up above the world
You are quite a lot of trouble
Such a pretty little girl ...
such a pretty little girl
I know I'm never home
I'm always miles and miles away
I feel I'm runnin' out of time
Say the things I need to say
Call you on the phone
You will not talk to me
Yeah you just don't understand
You are my everything

Anna, Anna
Tell me what you want
Tell me what you need
Anna, AnnaYou are never alone...
You are never alone.

I like to watch you play
When you don't know I'm there
See you in your sleep at night
Reach out and touch your hairI
wanna make this world
Be just how you want it to be
Yeah you just don't understand
You are everything to me

so on with the show

Enjoy the pics of my girls :)


What i would give to have the innocence of a child. So angelic, uncorrupted, blameless, faultless, guiltless, harmless. To be a child again. What a bargain it would be to re live just one day.

well nothing new.. another day another day.. yesterday we had a huge t-storm that scared the bejeebies out of me.. i felt bad for my girls..They were freaked out and cried alot :( It broke my heart to see them so sad but I kept them comforted through the evening. So anyways after the tornado warnings were over we hit the hay. I woke up at 1:30 am last night to loud winds. Justin and I looked at eachother, hopped out of bed and grabbed the girls. We all went down to the basement. There was no tornado though, thank goodness. So we went back to sleep, but we were pretty shaken up. The winds were powerful, very powerful. they went up to 80 mph in some areas.. When i woke up this morning i found my tree snapped in half :( such a beautiful tree too. The other day after my jog I was walking by it thinking to myself, "damn that tree is going to make my yard all white with those petals." lol... ironic eh? well i think so. So anyways this is the tree now

Its amazing how mother nature works. The way i was monitoring the clouds, the winds, and the circulation I am far suprised that a tornado did not hit close to us. I wouldnt be suprised if one did. Mother nature has been showing no mercy to us humans lately. Its like a downward spiral. May seems to be the worst month for tornado action and t-storm warnings. I just worry about all the people who do not have basements and live in trailer parks. I just dont see enough tornado shelters in kansas like i did in oklahoma.. So as my day progressed I went to class and studied.. studied .. and studied... someone brought cake.. great lol.. i came home.. i need to wrap up my invites for my graduation. i hope things get better for my family.. i hate living like this :( i went get into detail but things are so tough lately for us. thats all i can say for now :)