So I go back to work after having 12 lovely nights off work. Seems like forever. I went and walked with Cailyn to pick Celeste up from school and just imagined. "wow what would it be like if i was a sahm." Didnt have to leave my children to go to work, could stay home all day with the girls. Sometimes i get sad because i never really done that except one year in my whole life of being a mother, that i didnt work and stayed home while justin worked. My kids are getting older though and soon cailyn will be in kindergarten and even if i stayed home wouldnt have a reason too because my kids would all be in school all day long. It just makes me wonder.

You really never know exactly what you do miss when your on the outside looking in. I feel like i lost a lot of precious time with my children that I wont be able to get back. I feel like I lived a lot being tired and unfunctional for my family. Who knows how much that is true but thats just how I feel.

It really does get to you, when you see people brag about how lucky they are to stay home with their kids, kinda like they are rubbing it in your face or something. And honestly it pisses me off.. Wooopy you get to stay home with your kids.. man two thumbs up. And when people say they did not bring their child into the world to put them in daycare for someone else to raise. It really is in a slap in a face to parents who do have to work to provide for their kids, if they intentionally did it or not.

Although I feel like I have worked hard to get where I am at. Im just a little bitter not being able to stay home with my girls. Like tommorow Celeste has a 1st grade picnic and I wont be able to go cause I have to sleep cause I work nights. Ijust hope things get easier, easier schedule but I know thats not going to happen. Justin just got a job in norman, which is about 30 minute drive from here and his schedule working around my schedule will be hectic. but you need money in order to live.

Other then that im ready for the summer, maybe we can have a bit more break with the kids being out of school, maybe be able to do more family things together during the week.. cant wait till celeste is out of school june 1st

update!

i just had all my wisdoms out a day before so thats why i look so swollen

love justins stoicness

I love my family.. I hope everything falls into place soon and for summer to come!

so its been awhile lol

since i posted in here. honestly i forgot my password and been to lazy to reset it but now since i have a few minutes to spare until i go back to work why not post something?
a few things going on in my life right now
a) We are going to be moving to Oklahoma city this friday.
Im really excited especially to be close to all my family. I can see my sisters, my grandma, aunts, uncles , dad and inlaws alot more now without the hassle of a big trip. We will be living about 1.5 hours away from my home town lawton. Also im excited to explore oklahoma city. The have a fabulous zoo, botanical center, and the murrah building memorial .. A few things i been wanting to visit but never ever had the chance. Now i will.
b) We are downsizing.
Yep downsizing to a 2 bedroom house. Its cute and quaint and just right for us. At first justin wasnt going to live with us. But because we cannot get enough of each other and he needs some help we are staying together. I deciding i could care less what my house looks like or how big it is. That crap doesnt matter to me anymore.
c) I got a new job.
Yep again i will be starting my new job Dec. 1! i know why take a break alyssa? lol. Anyways this is a roughly 360 bed hospital . So alot to learn :) RTs do mostlly all the intubations. Which is a first for me! if you dont know what intubation means. ITs when you insert the breathing tube down a persons trachea for life support. The hospital i work at the physicians and anesthesiologists do this. So this is new! im nervous but very excited about it. Also they have a full time nicu staff which i plan to join some day.
d) The girls are exiciting.
Oh yea they are. Celeste is thrilled about her new school and I will most likely put cailyn in pre-k classes. i know they will enjoy it. :) Im ready to move so i can focus on christmas!


anyways i have to get back to work now. but thanks for reading my update!
chow chow

okay we are better

here some photos enjoy looking at my girls lol

anyways update i talk to justin and we are better.. i thought he was going to stay mad that i deleted his WoW again but he wasnt. I just knew that his friend derreck is a big wow fanatic and everyone looks at me like the evil person who always keeps justin off it. ugh whatever!!!!!!! anyways im in a totally better mood! my parents might be closing in on a deal for this house about 15 miles from us :) sweet! lol.. my friend ashley just moved back from oklahoma so we need to spend some time together! lol so if my parents move out soon then my girls can have their own rooms for once! its been what almost 2 years since they been able to! maybe more? i cant wait to start piecing things together.. there is a lot i need to do with my place.. i need to make it my OWN again! sigh i cant wait. my work is good! I been training alot in the NICU which i really like it! It can be very sad and heartbreaking though :( those little kiddos are tough cookies!! Justin is going to go back to school soon and im going to apply to KU and take some classes at JCCC towards my BS i am waiting at least six months so i can qualify for a tuition re imbursment program at my job.. so far i been there about 3 1/2 months :) i still want to go back for my PA but i told myself i will get it done by the time im 30 lol.. i think there is just alot more important things in my life right now then worrying about burying my head in books and stressing over that. id rather be a "wife" and mom to my family. :) love life! anyways halloween is coming up i asked for that off so hopefully they give it to me he he cant wait!
have a nice week every one

sometimes we just cant cant get along :(

Me and Justin always get into it about money I hate it. I just dont understand why he likes to act like he doesnt care. He asked me yesterday if we could cook out for labor day. I said yay thats fine but i planned to only spend a little bit of money. I didnt give him a set amount. Well he spent over 100.00 which pissed me off.. seriously we could have just went out to eat for cheaper. I hate that he does that shit all the freaking time. So he cut into our car payment and that made me even madder because the car payment was suppose to be paid last friday and did he care to do it? NO.. i was so mad. I un installed his WoW again. and changed my account password so he cant re install it. Seriously if he doesnt give a flip about our bills then he needs to stay off my computer.. im the one who paid all our bills this time.. and all he had to do was make sure my car was paid.. no he didnt.. he rather spend worthless amounts of money on unhealthy hotdogs. chips and paid.. seriously.. id ont even know how you can spend that amount of money.. i always tend to budget and his bad spending habits are getting to me.. sigh.. i hate feeling short on cash.. seems like we always do.. i wouldnt have spent 30.00 yesterday let i know he spent 100.00 the other day. :( sigh seriously somebody shoot me already!

changes in our lives

So I been talking with Justin alot about what he wants to do with his life.. Anyways he is always unsure.. He was going to try police academy but that wasnt so grand.. then he was going to try auto mechanic but honestly he makes more money now then if he was to do that. Fire fighter (his friend derreck trying to convince him) his friend derrick finshed Firefighting school and still is having trouble finding a job anyways.. its tough for him to figure it out. I always mentioned the railroads.. PPL make pretty good salaries with the railroads so i always keep that in my mind.. so we looked more into it yesterday and its something he wants to do definately.. if he gets into it sometime next year and finished the curriculum.. which its really a fast pace curriculum he could get a job offer in another state.. which i wouldnt mind moving to a different state at all..nice change of scenery for once.. for all this isnt set in stone and who knows things could change im really looking forward to him changing his career path. The entry pay is really good.. more then what i was hoping for so the move would definately make it worth it.. hopefully he gets in! and finds something :) the pay is all out of pocket though not covered by financial aid but i think its worth it..

Celeste birthday

So Celeste birthday was this past weekend.. she had a blast :) we invited a lot of children and friends.. she got a good share of presents she was happy.. i thiink she was mainly thrilled that lauren gave her some mula.. she seemed to be more wired about that then anything else it was too cute! so overall the day was good! spent toomuch $$ on the party of course :(. Our neighbor kid was very rowdy he was getting on EVERYONES nerves lol... ugh i had to get after him several times! anyways here is a few pics

getting cailyn ready for pinyata



the pinyata was very scary for me lol



her new guitar! its real!
you can see justin playing on Wow >:(


anyways ill share more later!